Thanks

I've said.

You've said it.

I've said it at times when I really meant it. And I've said it at times when it was the right thing to say. I've also said it at times when it was so perfunctory that I didn't even realize I was saying it (much less mean it).

But now... Today... The day before Thanksgiving... I'm saying it in a way that I've never said it before. Today I am in the strange situation of being thankful (& really meaning it!), but knowing at the same time that I have no idea just how thankful I am.

Tomorrow, Jen & I leave for Haiti to see our son for the first time. Ever.

We've seen pictures, & we have friends that have spent some time with him, but we have only seen pictures, & we've never held him. Or heard his voice. Or smelled him. Or seen him look back at us.

It's weird: I know I'm going to be emotional when I walk in Grace Children's Home in Port de Paix, Haiti, & see him for the first time, but something tells me that I'm going to feel things that I've never felt before, nor known I could feel, nor that those feelings even exist.

I wonder if it'll be like seeing Micaiah for the first time... Knowing she was dead already, but feeling a joy that overwhelmed the sorrow of her tragic & untimely death.

Or will it be like seeing Hosanna for the first time.... Feeling as much relief as joy after nine months of agonizing wondering if she would still be alive the next day.

Or will it be like seeing Faith for the first time... Amazed that my capacity to love seemed to increase infinitely as she became a part of our family.

Or will it be like seeing Leili for the first time... Delighted to see her, yet somewhat saddened knowing it would be the last time Jen would be pregnant.

Something tells me this is going to be different beyond my ability to estimate or comprehend.

Unique is probably a better word.

Yes, unique... Just like every other time. (That has to be the most ironic thing I have ever thought, spoken, or heard.)

Wow... I have SO much to be thankful for!

And God to be thankful to.

Thanks.